Sunday, 6 December 2015

my heart has shattered into a million pieces

With each week comes a new episode of Doctor Who, and for the past 3 months I have been a nervous wreck. Knowing that Jenna Coleman was going to be leaving in this season meant I needed to be ready for Clara's last appearance, and it was a whole lot worse than I could've ever imagined.

I've already written a post about Clara's death but after this episode I just had to write more! The heartbreak began at the 10th episode of this series; Face the Raven. The whole plot was that the Doctor and Clara found Rigsy (Joivan Wade) who had a timer on his neck counting down to his death, which lead them to a hidden street in London filled with aliens led by Ashildr (Maisie Williams). After finding out that the timer could be transferred to someone else, Clara convinced Rigsy to give it to her, not actually knowing it couldn't be taken off, to save him some time.

Once the Doctor and Ashildr figured out what Clara had done there was only one thing left to happen...Clara's death. She had to Face the Raven (literally as it flew through her and ended her precious life). It was such an emotional scene, having to watch Clara accept the fact that she was going to die, the Doctor trying to do everything he could to save her and seeing the guilt on Rigsy's face as she was in this position trying to save him. By the time it got to her death I was already sobbing, her death was traumatising..she stepped into the street and waited for the raven to fly into her, when it did I felt like my heart had dropped, you see her scream luckily you don't hear it and then black smoke comes out of her mouth and she drops to the ground. I then spent two weeks getting over what I had seen and then comes this weeks episode and ruins everything.

This weeks episode starts off with the Doctor talking to a woman working in a diner in Nevada played by Jenna Coleman, and if you're familiar with Clara's story you know there are millions of echoes of her scattered through his timeline so a scene like this isn't that just seemed like he wanted to spend time with her even though she wouldn't remember him. He tells her a story which we see on screen. The Doctor is on Gallifrey again as he says he has information on the hybrid..he uses the time lords to get Clara just before she dies so he could try and save her from death. Throughout his story it keeps going back to the Doctor and 'diner Clara' who seems to be engrossed in his story. The Doctor and Clara steal a TARDIS and he takes her to the end of the universe trying to get her pulse to come back so he can save her. He comes across Ashildr, while Clara is still in the TARDIS watching on the screen when it is then revealed that the way the Doctor was going to save Clara was to wipe any memory of him from her mind, which had me in tears because it just reminds me of Donna and I really didn't want that to happen to Clara.

When the Doctor and Ashildr come back into the TARDIS Clara reveals that she heard everything and begged him not to take her memories away and that she had reversed the polarity of the device so if he used it then his memories could be erased. They finally agree to do it together knowing that they are both at risk, once they do it becomes clear that the Doctor is the one who is going to lose his memory. This is when it all started coming together. It goes back to the diner and it becomes clear that 'diner Clara' is the real Clara and the Doctor doesn't remember her, just her name. This was another really emotional scene as I never expected this to happen and it got even worse when the Doctor said something along the lines of 'there is one thing I know about her, just one thing, if I met her again I would absolutely know her' and as the Doctor looked away you notice Clara crying which was just heart breaking.

They say their goodbyes and Clara opens a door that leads to the TARDIS they stole with Ashildr waiting inside, they materialise away and the Doctor is left in the desert with his own Tardis. Clara still cant find her pulse which means her death can't be unwritten but as 'she isn't aging' her and Ashildr decide to go 'the long way round' so she has a few more adventures before she dies. When the Doctor enters his TARDIS on the blackboard is a message 'Run you clever boy....and be a doctor' with his velvet jacket there...and the saddest part is that he probably doesn't even remember what they mean.

I thought Clara's death was the most heartbreaking thing but this is just so much worse. As much as this episode broke my heart I really do think Clara's departure was so well done, I wish she could have stayed the companion for the rest of time.The Impossible Girl was my favourite arc from the moment souffle girl turned out to be a Dalek. The last thing I'll say is thank you Jenna Coleman for portraying this character so amazingly and making the past 3 years of my life unforgettable.

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